Do you want a laugh

So, things are progressing this end.

His nibs finally secured a job last week....70 miles away so the love birds are busy finding a new nest.

But today's little gem is better than any soap. Honestly I do wonder if those who read this think I'm making it up. I'm not!!

Last week end the family should have gone to a not so close friend's wedding. His nibs decided with a week to go that he was going to use the event to introduce his new lady to a small circle of people. Feeling that might be a tad too much to bear I declined the invite and had a fab weekend with the girls.

Today I had lunch with one of the people who had been at the wedding. Inevitably after a while the discussion got round to his nibs....yes he got very drunk....yes she was there .... and 'how did I feel about the fact she's only 19!'

OK I very nearly fell off my chair. My response 'well I guess that's why the girls think she's such fun'....more of an older sister than dad's girlfriend.

Let's put this into perspective. He's 23 yrs older.....if she was much younger the local bill would be knocking on the door.

Still can't quite take it in....not because of any degree of jealousy...but what on earth (apart from the bleeding obvious)could two people with such a huge age gap have in common?

What a funny week this is turning into.

Monday saw a bizzare telephone conversation with his nibs. Tears and all that.....I've forced him to live with is new lady and he doesn't want to be there.

Please bear in mind this is the same lady he has just introduced to the children.....the same lady for whom he has, had, who knows, mountains of love for. I am really starting to feel sorry for her.

Tuesday saw a call wanting to know when he was going to get his money...

And today, I had confirmation from my solicitor that his legal team have been siting on the paperwork for over two weeks!!!! This means everythng goes back a bit. Never mind.

I got home this evening to hear that daddy had been on the phone and the girls had spoken to his new lady who told them she is really looking forward to seeing them soon. I'm beginning to loose the plot here. Does he want to be with her or not?

OK....up rocks his nibs this morning.....wearing the clothes he slept in last night...you know the kind of thing, red eyes from a 3 o'clock finish....and quite proud of it.

The girls who have been up and dressed since 6.30 are keen to give him the father's day cards they have made....

He asks them if they'd like to go and see his new house. Oh yes please daddy......he then says 'well why don't you stay the night'.

Complete surprise to me. I'm then in the position of potentially being the bad mummy if I say no.

Did they want to go? You bet! A sleep over sounds like fun doesn't it.

Then he says 'Oh and I have a friend I want you to meet' 'Is it a girl?' asks my eldest....'Is it your new girlfriend?'....

Now I am feeling sorry for the girlfriend who has no idea that very shortly her new man will be turning up with his two little girls, not just for the day, but for the weekend.

My phone will be on all day and the car full of fuel, just in case I need to do a late night dash to pick them up.

Right now I'm feeling a bit empty and this house has never felt so quiet.

A weekend when his nibs finally tells his children that he left to be with someone else.

How does this make me feel? Pretty worried. I have no idea how they will react or what they will say. The only good thing that will come out of it is that my eldest may stop asking if he left because of something she did.

To be honest, I've been fretting about it all day. What ifs and maybe ringing round my head. Having the conversations I am dreading having with the girls as I ploughed through another day of corporate life.

This week has not been easy....first we had the pitiful emails and text messages. Followed by the anger over not yet having his cash.....by the way my legal guys have still not received anything back. So we can only assume he's signed the stuff and sent it to the court.

And then, the funniest bit of the week. The silly man haas still been using my address for any job applications he has made, and could I check thepost to see if he's had a response from an interview last week. I politely pointed out that any post that does end up here is dutifully redirected. And could he please ensure any further correspondance is sent to his current address.

Honestly I am beginning to wonder what planet and all that.

I kno, one day this will all seem very funny and I'll look back and laugh. But right here, right now, it feels like I'm trapped inside a budget movie where the story just keeps going round.

Be sure to watch over the weekend. I feel this could be an eventful one.

I have to say I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck in groundhog day.

Another call this morning to tell me that it's not too late!!! He'll come back. I have pointed out in very simple words that 'his love for his new lady, far outweighed any guilt he was feeling'

That he needed to adore and be adored....and that he has had 17 wifelettes...so how on earth does he think I'd have him back?

The response, your going to love this......

It's not just about losing his wife, oh no, he's realised the lifestyle he's given up. That's right, he's going to have to get a job and pay his way. Big shock to the system.

Still the poor sole has no job and he was just wondering when his money might come through....Let me get this straight. You thought you wanted to come back but in a second breath it's all about having some cash to spend....either way sunshine you're just going to have to wait.

The paper work is all completed, the only thing that is holding things up is him signing the damn papers!!!!

I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for the girlfriend in all this. What sort of relationship can they be having....I know nothing to do with me. But ask yourself, would you put up with some bloke old enough to be your dad bleating on about his ex on a daily basis? Surely even if the sex is good you'd start to get a bit sick of it after a while. Maybe she's hanging out for the cash too....at this rate he really could be skint by Christmas.

It's been a busy week.

The petition dropped on the his nibs door mat mid week. Generating a call to tell me that it wssn't too late.....ne was still prepared to come back.

I resisted the urge to say something I'd later regret instead suggesting that he signed the paperwork so this whole sorry tale can come to an end.

So Friday arrived and a planned trip to my folks generated a pathetic call of woe. He was lonely...I am guessing the girlfriend had decided he was too old for the local night club...and wondering what I was doing. Driving up the M40 with two little ones asleep in the car.........

We had a great weekend and saw many old family friends who told me how great I was looking. This will seem quiet odd to some but I actually feel OK. Life is going to be tough. And no doubt there will be moments of saddness and tears. But right now as I type this I'm looking forward to a future of stability for my girls. They have been stars in all of this. They have been there for each other and look out for one another. They're sad. But they still see there daddy, on his terms, so I guess that means they'll see his better side every time they meet him. Much better than them seeing the grumpy stuff of the past.

Next week brings a few challenges, not least being he wants to tell them about his new girlfriend. It has to happen sometime and whilst it will be hard, let's hope they do plan to be together long enough for it to mean something.

Gosh I am beginning to wonder just how much lower he is going to stoop.

e didn't go to church thank goodness, though the sermon was practically written for his ears.....I wonder if the vicar was half expecting him to be there?

Anyway, he shows up this afternoon.....first of all he wants a key to the house...no way sunhine. So in a huff he takes the girls to the park. It was a beautiful afternoon so there wasn't much that coul go wrong with that.

When they get back I get the regular questions...could he come back, was he sure I really wanted to divorce him...when was he going to get his money. Really it does sound like a broken record.

I should point out here that having not got the answers he wanted to hear from me last week, he's been phoning and texting my solicitor....not a clever move. He seems to think the more he hassles people the quicker he'll get what he wants.

Anyway, back to this afternoon. His parting comment, and I know it's only because he needs to have the last word.

'I I'd of known I could have made you this cross I'd have done this years ago. I wasted 7 years on you and for what?'

I didn't have the energy to say ditto....life is too short and frankly a null response appears to be causing more frustration than not.

So the tales of woe continue.

Yesterday, please remember we are in half term and this guy is out of work and has two school age children, I suggested that he might like to spend the day with his kids. Not unreasonable and considering the flack I've been getting about keeping them away from him, I foolishly thought a day with them would be what he wanted....how wrong I was.

He did turn up, that's a start. He did manage to put up the trampoline they have been so excited about all week...gold star. And then he let himself down. You see instead of spending the day actually playing with the kids....he sat in my office on the phoen to his grlfriend.

She clearly wound him up. I was 200 miles away in a business meeting with my mobile phone going into melt down with txt's and missed calls.

So as I came out of the session I called....

'I can't find a job' you could try McDonald's - I so wanted to say it but hey that would be cruel.....

'and we're running out of money'

Remember this guy has been on my back to let him have a day with his kids and had spent the majority of that time on the phone....

'so when can I have my cash? I'm not bothered about the divorce papers, just the cash'

As I took a deep breath I once again explained that the legal wheels were turning. He would get his cash once he has signed over the house....and not a moment before.

Personally I have no idea where the paperwork is right now. It's been through my guys and has been dispatched....the poor chap didn't realise it is infact himself that is holding up the process!!!

So on to today....a beautiful day filled with children's laughter and much chatter about a fun packed weekend.....and then the phone rang.

'I want to see them on Sunday, but I've got no money so I was thinkig I could come round for lunch'

Yep, you read that correctly.

How do you politely say - 'SOD OFF YOU STUPID MAN! YOU@VE BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF. GET A JOB AND SORT YOURSELF OUT.....answers on a postcard....